Wednesday, March 27, 2013

The Best of What to Do On Your Last Day of Work

Tomorrow is my last day at Lowe's. My last day selling home appliances. My last day working in a "big box" store, something I know very well, having done it for 16 of my 20 years as a working adult.

How to end it? It can't just be another day. At risk of setting myself for seeming like a chicken for not making it an epic last day, I will share with you a few ideas that some of my co-workers came up with. Like lots of big companies nowadays, Lowe's has an internal corporate social network where we share ideas, best practices and within the confines of the 'underground' forums catharticaly release frustrations (AKA bitch and moan) about the company.

Here were some of the best responses to my post on the board as to what goofy things one might do on your last day of work. Of course, some of these only make sense and/or are funny within the context of our job, but some were universally hilarious

  •  call lawn and garden and ask for a "sky hook" to hang potted plants in the air... 
  •  Answer every question with "I'm sorry Dave. I can't do that"
  •  With your vest off during your lunch break, find a new hire and ask what aisle this is on------>:
  • When someone starts looking at a FL washer, ask them, "Whatchya want one of them fo?  It's basically just a dryer that uses water!" 
  •  Call over to hardware and ask if they sell rope by the inch, and ask for 30 or so one-inch lengths, and could they please pre-cut that for me to pick up later?
  •  Beans, hardboiled eggs, broccoli and cheap beer, no explination needed!!!!! 
  • Last day, rent a tuxedo (top hat and tails coat) and act as though you are a wealthy man, forced to work a regular job for a day
  •   Bring in your Ukulele and do a farwell song over the pa system.(editor's note: yeah, they know me.)
  • Look your next customer straight in the eye and say "I am Enigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die!!" 
  •  Do as many code3's you can and on every reciept hand write "Thanks for not shopping at Home Depot" 
  •  when explaining the product try to make subtle hints that they might not be good enough for this (reverse phycology) 
  •  Tell a customer you like their hat...when they're not wearing any.
  •  i think you should carry around a little boom box and play your "theme" music everytime you're closing a sale. mine would be Europe- The Final Countdown! 
  • Wear your underware outside your pants & your vest inside out all day.  
  • On everything you write, use your non wrighting hand, lefty, use right hand. 
  • Type everything s l o w l y, with one finger...peck, peck, peck.  
  • Carry a helium ballon around & suck in some air before you speak over the intercom. 
  • Cut open a big samsung or LG fridge box.. or a couple. Line them up and cut out windows. Make you a fortress. Throw mylowes cards at people walking by.  
  • On the last day take your vest, get on a picker and hang the vest from the rafters like they hang the hockey jerseys at the Joe Lewis Arena. 

Okay, you'll just have to wait and see what I will do tomorrow, but I thank my Lowe's co-workers from across the country for their suggestions... 

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